Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
