I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
