dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
