the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
