Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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