Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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