you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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