just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
