I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
