we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
