I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We just shotgunned beers for America
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
