No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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