hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize