I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize