I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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