Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
