note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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