just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
