stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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