Me too!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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