If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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