9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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