All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
