She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
