She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
