I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
