oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
