he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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