how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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