wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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