guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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