Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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