i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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