I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
