oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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