we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
How's work?
Spinning.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
there is puke in my bra ... again
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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