absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
