so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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