me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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