I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
