Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Two words: blizzard sex
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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