You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Randomize
