remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
