They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
