she was so not down for the gang bang
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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