dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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