How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
