that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
