Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
