We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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