Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
