man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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