They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
