Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize