C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
