never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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