Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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