i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize