I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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