That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I had to cum in my sink.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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