the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
