my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
