why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
honey bunches of taint.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
