her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize