It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How does one acquire holy water?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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