i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize